Thursday, December 6, 2007

Bittersweet day

Today is my oldest son's birthday. (Wild Angel #1) He would be 9 today. It is hard to believe I would have a nine year old! He passed away when he was 13 months old from pneumonia. He is the one who opened doors into a life we never knew we could have. He is the one who required the most care and yet always had a smile. It was a great smile--you know, the kind that just lights up a room. Every year I buy Christmas flowers to put on his grave on his birthday. It never gets easier. I am always fighting tears in the check out lane wishing the flowers were for anything but a grave. This morning I went to the cemetery while my kids were at school. I started for the cemetery feeling good about the day. My sister called on my way there and we began to talk about how much we missed him and what he would be like now. That was all it took for my waterworks to start. I am happy knowing he will never have another surgery (he had 15) and knowing he is with my dad and others we love. But, oh how I miss him! I don't really know how I survived except to say the sun kept coming up everyday and I had no choice but to function. I was given a lot of strength through the first few months thanks to everyone's prayers. He brought so much joy and love into our home. He is an amazing person and I can't wait to see him again. Happy Birthday Braxton! We love and miss you!!

6 comments:

Julie said...

Dear Shawnie,
Thanks for sharing so much on your blog. I pray that you feel God's presence during this time that you are missing your son. It is amazing how even while you are grieving, God has given you the gift of looking forward to bringing Max home. I understand it must be very bittersweet.
We are just starting the adoption process through Serbia (as of 2 days ago) to bring Luka home. I'd love to keep in touch. I'll follow your blog to see how your process is going. I hope you have Max in your arms VERY soon! How old is he? By the way, you have a beautiful family

Julie O.

Shelley said...

Shawnie,
I can not imagine what you are feeling. I just wanted you to know that your post touched my heart.
(((HUGS)))

Gayla said...

Happy Birthday Dear Angel.

Many hugs and prayers out to your family.

Kevin said...

All,

I am Shawnie's husband and the father of these cuties. I just wanted to share with you how much my family means to me. Even though I have been mostly a spectator in this adoption process, I am really looking forward to having Max in our home. As for our first son, he is a tremendous spirit and we feel his love daily. Thanks for all the support you have shown our family.

Kevin

Kym said...

we love you guys! {{{{hugs}}}}

Shannon said...

Thanks for sharing your feelings Shawnie. It brought tears to my eyes as well as you expressed your love and how much you miss Braxton. I'm sure he was very special. It made me think how hard it would be if we ever lost our sweet little Emily. These kids are wonderful and touch our lives so deeply. I'm so excited for you in your adoption of Max. He's a darling little boy! So cute!!