Bittersweet day

Today is my oldest son's birthday. (Wild Angel #1) He would be 9 today. It is hard to believe I would have a nine year old! He passed away when he was 13 months old from pneumonia. He is the one who opened doors into a life we never knew we could have. He is the one who required the most care and yet always had a smile. It was a great smile--you know, the kind that just lights up a room. Every year I buy Christmas flowers to put on his grave on his birthday. It never gets easier. I am always fighting tears in the check out lane wishing the flowers were for anything but a grave. This morning I went to the cemetery while my kids were at school. I started for the cemetery feeling good about the day. My sister called on my way there and we began to talk about how much we missed him and what he would be like now. That was all it took for my waterworks to start. I am happy knowing he will never have another surgery (he had 15) and knowing he is with my dad and others we love. But, oh how I miss him! I don't really know how I survived except to say the sun kept coming up everyday and I had no choice but to function. I was given a lot of strength through the first few months thanks to everyone's prayers. He brought so much joy and love into our home. He is an amazing person and I can't wait to see him again. Happy Birthday Braxton! We love and miss you!!